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Monday, October 13, 2008

Relation Ship Between India and pakistan

If USA decided to launch a nuke-loaded missile,

Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.

But, if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan.

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.

They don’t need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.

In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian president.

The President forwards it to the Cabinet.

The Prime Minister calls an emergency Loksaba session.

The Loksaba meets, but due to several walkouts and several protests by the opposition,

It gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.

Their attempts for another launch of missile are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote,

A caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile.

But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.

A public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early.

In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.

This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, “pro-humanity”, “anti-nuclear” activists come out against the Government’s decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta-Rokos organized.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning “Please forward it to as many Indians as possible”.

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning.

Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.

Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.

Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its Software, It hits its original destination: Russia.

Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.

The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.

Pakistan never gets it right.


**************we live happily ever after ************

The Corporate Language

1.”We will do it” means” You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means” More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means” We have not yet started working on the same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means” Its not getting done “At least not tomorrow!”.

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means” I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means” We had actually lied”

7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means” I have no time now, will talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means” We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means” We had actually fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means” Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means” Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

13.”We need to find out the real reason” means” Well I will tell you where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,”means,” Well you know…”

15.”We are a team,” means,” I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”

17.”All the Best” means” You are in trouble”

Sardars Plane

“Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your very handsome Captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Air Dhakkan Airways.
Sorry we are four days late in taking off but I had to do some overtime at the bakery.
This is the one two six flight to New Delhi. We cannot guarantee that we will end up in Delhi but rest assured it will be somewhere in the East.
And if you are very lucky we may even be landing on your village! A real Air Dhakkan will land where he wants to, isn’t that right brothers!
Today we have 12 passengers on the plane - which is a bit of a problem because we only have 5 seats! Hmmm.
For safety reasons we will be counting all the passengers again during and after the flight. We have a very good record for safety.
In fact we are so safe even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
I am pleased to tell you that over 50% of our passengers end up at their destination.
For those of you who don’t make it, don’t worry, our staff has lots of experience consoling the next-of-kin.
If, however, you are still worried then ask Stewardess Bubbly to tell you about our out of court settlements.
We will do everything to make your journey an enjoyable one and even a surviving one!
If our engines are too noisy for you, don’t worry, we’ll turn them off!
We even make your fall to earth pleasant by serving complimentary tea during free-fall!
And for our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
Sadly, today’s in-flight movie will not be shown because my son forgot to record it from the television.
But if you really want to see a film then we will be glad to fly next to Air India so that you can look at their movie through the window.
Although there is no-smoking in this aero plane, you may find that during the flight you can see smoke in the cabin.
Don’t worry your good minds over this! It is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Yes, we are very advanced at Air Dhakkan Airways.
Not only do we provide you with a life jacket but we also give a free bathing costume to the aunties and a swimming short to the uncles!
Some airlines are happy to fly thousands of feet over landmarks but not Air Dhakkan Airways! For your pleasure we try to get as close as possible for the best view.
If, however, we go a little too close then please let us know. Our Co-pilot sometimes becomes too enthusiastic.
Remember that guy who crashed into the White House? Well it is the same bloke!
Now kindly sit on your seat and tie your belt. For those of you who can’t find a belt please tie your own leather belt to the door handle.
And for those of you, who can’t find a seat, sit on your suitcase instead.
Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Air Dhakkan Airways. We guarantee that we may not always take you on a flight
but we’ll definitely take you for a ride!

17th October

16th October

15th October

14th October